You know the saying hard work always pays off? Well I'm 50% sure that saying is completely false. Let me tell you why. I started out as a young boy as any other would completely innocent to the atrocities the planet has in store for anyone who would come here. I was always told, "work hard and all your dreams come true." and I believed it. I went through school and passed all my classes with good grades (As and Bs) 90% of the time. I actually took the time and effort to learn all the subjects while it seems most others would slack it and fail or get low grades in class. I was in the marching band as well and worked way more than the average student would practicing after school and in the mornings with my other band mates. All of this relatively unimportant until I read THe power of now by eckhart tollee. This book is what really sparked my imagination and will power to reach the top. I actually found it at the school library. It gave me the motivation to do so much more. I had learned about stillness and how to still the mind through mediation. I was able to have my first real relationship because I lost the weight (I had weighed close to 200 pounds at grade 9) and worked my fucking ass off losing the weight for this girl (80 pounds within a couple of weeks). I started mediating climbing my own way up the ladder of life or my own spine using the spiritual knowledge I accumulated. Luckily, she actually noticed and went out with me for some time. One could say the hard work payed off but no it didn't. Its like the universe conspired against me. I got angry at her one day and the relationship just ended. Even though we loved each other, we never got to make love which really bothers me to this day 7 years later. Spiritual understanding and power should be rewarded with acknowledgement and love, not ignored and thrown away like she chose to do when she refused to take the relationship any further by mending it. This is the first time I was fucked over by a women. She chose ignorance and misunderstanding over the light I was trying to share with her, something unfathomable and deep for I was on the path to kundalini and awakening.
I didnt let it bother me, I kept doing my own thing, I was in a good place. I had lost the weight, I was feeling good, there was no reason to let her bother me in this way. I stayed in school until around the end of senior year. I decided to leave school early, get a GED instead and make my way to college a semester early. My original intent was to clean my body through mediation and healthy eating for an extended period of time (around 3 months) before school started in january 2013. Stupid me, I was young and found it incredibly difficult to maintain a healthy diet and meditate every day so I decided to just mediate once in a while and use the time as break from school and other things as I would have time alone to smoke weed, sleep in, and relax a bit from all the work school had to offer, not including being in darkness and anyone who has not reached the path of kundalini is only wasting time learning trivial things. I spent my time playing league of legends, smoking, and meditating. I would visit friends at school once in a while and read most of patanjalis yoga sutras which \really helped me to see the light. I also actually kept the weight off and stayed relatively in shape until only recently when I gained some weight which was also because of women mistreating me but ILl get to that later. I may sound daft here but read my further point
Anything until you reach a point in your life where you can be comfortable with your own mind enough to say you might actually survive death is hard work. meaning up unti lthe very moment you get the knowledge you need to ascend your mind, its hard work because youre working with nearly no internal light only your mind. Considering this, I still see people in school and jobs living pointless lives trying to find the light when they are so deep in the work of finding their own mind through all this fucking mess of jobs and school life that some people never even get to find their own light. What was all that work for? fucking nothing. Just one example of how work is useless cause it doesnt pay off. It was only until I stopped working that I found the light I needed. I understand it may be hard for some people to even reach the ability to live a no work life but even living homeless on the streets begging for money to use for spiritual knowledge is more productive than premature work ethic. ALl of this before I met the bane of my life sevan bomar which ill get more into later. (i had to include this cause some people cant get it through their thick skulls that I had found light before I met him).
After my extended vacation, I was in a pretty good place. My body and mind were relaxed for once and I had intentions to work with and share this knowledge with others when I get to and meet them again in college. I was actually very happy with my self, I kept the weight off and was ready to start school again at a local community college. But it wasnt until the middle of the semester that I found that this work offered by the school was kind of pointless for me. I thought to myself, well im already on the path, why bother myself and others will all this pointless work. I didnt leave but I became careless. I feel my light was being invaded by some kind of maleviolent force at this point, whether outside myself or inside my own mind but I became obsessed with the sexual energy associated with kundalini. I wrote a whole blog about had happened to my body when I dabbled in negative sexual shaping if you want to hear the whole horror story find it. BUt something happened and I was estranged from everyone else as my body became damaged. I could feel someone elses body tied up with my own body all because I thought I was just masturbating. But something much worse happened. I went back to school very clouded and sad. something really bad had happened. I remember sitting in class wondering if anyone had noticed something was wrong with me but of course everyone acted as normal.
After that I left school completely. I finished the semester and went home trying to figure out what to do with my life. I became worried, scared, confused. No one would understand me and what had happened. So I closed off from the world (being a pisces) and just stayed home. People would badger me about getting a job doing this doing that and I would not feel comfortable in my condition to do so. I started having horrible nightmares, stuff that made me feel ill and that something was terribly wrong. I cried for my life and the life I took and just felt lost. I looked to places for answers. I couldnt sleep on my left side because I would spill seed ( ejaculate or wet dreams) and felt that that was horrible bad in the situation I was in. I stopped masturbating of course for al ong time. I was actually afraid to get an erection for a long time I would stop myslef whenever it happened. I built this strange wall of aluminum around my self where I slept on the floor ( I couldnt sleep on a bed because If I got too comfortable in my sleep I would spill seed) and conncted the wall of aluminum to a ground in a socket in the wall). It wasnt until a specific dream I had that I felt like it was a dream of my death. I dont remember it clearly but I remember feeling the next day something had to be done. I had been reading spiderman comics and fell in love with the character, I actually put my left hand in a microwave because in a comic it said that microwaves were used to kill carnage in one of the scenes. ( I thought carnage was trying to kill me) I said to myself after that dream, you know what im not going to give up, im going to be like spiderman and pull myself out of this mess, I sat there and felt a surge of energy and thought about the movie the matrix, I thought ok if this really is a matrix there has to be some kind of code that I could say or do to help my situation. There it popped into my mind "Code to the matrix". It was pdf file written by sevan bomar which contained pretty much all of the information neccessary for one to awaken. The information didn't really make sense to me but I was completely impressed and dumbfounded as to how someone could find this much information and share it so nicely and in such a great format. I read the whole book and knew this guy could help. And I did say COULD possibly help. He had made a whole website dedicated to sharing spiritual knowledge and I really feel like maybe I could get a second chance at life or at least some answers to what had happened.
I followed him and read everything he had to offer but what really helped was when he started a segment in his show about internal cleansing. It never occurred to me that eating meat was so detrimental. I cut it out of my diet immediately/ I took a loan out on a credit card and bought a cleansing kit. I sold my old computer and bought a brand new one with a touch screen. THe cleansing kit helped wonders and so did sevan at least I think he did. I no longer had nightmares and I felt ok taking into account my body still didnt feel completely right. The one obstacle in my way now was sex. I hadnt had it yet. IF theres one thing you should know is that sex puts you one top. Its sacred. Its healing, it drives the world. and I was in a really good position to have it now that my body was cleansed, I had been working out, and was eating healthy. BUt I became slightly desperate. I started to search casual encounter ads on craigslist and tried to find someone who was willing but I found all the ads were fake, I started to become hungry. but I still wasnt masturbating. It wasnt until one day I was smoking at a nearby park when I remembered a very important person I had come across early in my life through her videos, teal scott.
Before this, something else happened. I was incredibly impressed by and adored sevan. Just like anyone else did. I knew this. I knew I wasn't special and that I didnt really deserve the attention from sevan but I tried my best to see sevan as he was and to not touch his stuff. I was just happy to see him I felt like we were talking but couldnt know for sure. I tried to share information with him telepathically by just speaking when I felt it was right.
When I remembered teal scottI became very happy. Not because I needed her to help, I had already gotten the help I needed through the cleansing and through the spiritual and esoteric knowledge sevan was offering. I just felt happy cause I remembered her videos being so wonderful I knew I would be in for something great if I watched her newer videos. I quickly went home and watched some of her videos. It was like when I first watched her years ago in high school, radiant as always. I didnt really take nothing from her videos, I just wished I could meet her and share with her my story, as anyone else would. But I knew I was far from that ever happening as she is an awakened individual and I was a lowly peasant like being, still learning from my mistake. I gave her space I knew that if I would ever have a chance with her it would have to be done correctly with her knowing everything, but I was stuck.
Before this whole teal meeting, I started to hear voices. I t took me a while but I ascertained that I met people when I had started to watch and try to befriend sevan. It took me even longer to try and imagine a face for them but I knew they could see me. I actually thought it was sevan for the longest time but it was different people. We learned a lot from each other but something didn't feel right. MY ailment always at the back of my mind, I made sure not to get too close to anyone without someone figuring out something first about what had happened. I feel a lot of them took this negatively and they made accusations against me. While they were fully fledged in telepathic power, I was still a noob and didnt even know I could just speak to them about everything that had happened, Even if I wanted to I wouldn't know what to say. I just wanted to speak to them in person and they didnt seem to understand how sapped my mind was with what had happened. I started to hear more voices, people I didnt know but really did want to meet with at least safely. It was good times but I started to realize that maybe they were hurting me with all this talking or that maybe I would eventually hurt them. I just wanted a second chance at life, I wanted to be able to play videos games. Sex wasn't even a question until I could physically meet with someone. I tried to meet with people but I just felt like a burden, who would be able to handle me if not someone who has tapped into an awakened eye?
IM not sure if teal remembered me or if she could even see me but eventually the voices started to tell me that I should talk to her and that maybe there was a chance. But I was stuck, I couldnt speak to her, I was incapable. People would tell me to stop being such a pussy, stop eating, stop sleeping, I was just a fucking kid with this stupid fucking problem and they expected so much from me. It took me some time but I thought you know what it would be really awesome if teal and I got together so I tried talking the little that I could. I would just speak at times that felt right. let her know I was a virgin was one of the few times I heard her reply. I felt like the entire world was watching, I felt like something big was going to happened. but nothing ever did. I just felt like I would either hurt her or that she didnt care for me. I became extremely confused. One night I had a vision that someone was being locked away into a cage. SHe had cat ears, I heard people tell me not to be a pussy, and to awaken. I felt energy rising through my body when my mother angrily woke up and threw me to the floor for mediating in the middle of the night. Shit just went insane after that. I ran away from home for 2 days just walking the streets. I stole my friends car thinking I was supposed to drive to new york to save the world. I saw wood panels morphing into ungodly shaped, etheral shattered glass in open doorways, heard some strange shit. I feel like I went insane and ended up going to a mental hospital where I saw even stranger shit. I saw these weird etheral spiders, some demon looking guy with no eyes just sitting in one of the rooms, and on the wooden floors I saw images of teal and I with our eyes looking every which way, it just felt like everything was falling apart. But I stood my ground. It wasnt until the second trip to the mental hospital that my hope was starting to get shot. I just started to lose hope. They had extended my release date and things turned for the worse. I got angry and threw a fit at sevan for not helping me, for not wanted to meet after everything I had been through. These people wanted to help the world but would not even consider helping me and what I was going through. THey would rather see me die.I tried my best to help but I was just too young to calculate everything that was going on and I was getting tired. A lot of multidimensional things happened throughout all of it but I was just too young to calculate it all.
The only thing saving me was not spilling seed. It wasn't until teal posted a video about porn addiction that I decided to masturbate again. IM not blaming teal, it was my decision but I just really wish I hadnt decided to as my body needed all the potency I could get. I started to see that sevan didnt really care about saving me, no one did. Everyone was too busy playing games. The voices are madening at this point, cant really tell if theyre real or if theyre coming from some other time or place and now they just mock me and tell me I suck. Everyone has a limit and I reached mine when the only people I cared about told me to go fuck myself. 8 billion people on the planet are eating food, most of them eat meat everyday. These people expected me to just stop with the ailments I had. They expected too much from me.
NOw everything went to shit. Everyone fucking hates me for shit I didn't do, they call me an old pedophile loser they call me fat =, sexually incapable, stupid, not knowing what ime doing, lame, never getting laid when it fucking burns me inside seeing a bunch of fucking no time losers getting laid everyday completely tainting the sacred emotional feeling we all share. Someone came down and tried to help only to call me a fucking loser and stole everything purposefully (yes you can steal someones feelings). women refused to sleep with me purely because I ate food and smelled a little bad because of the food I ate. THe whole thing just went to shit and now I might die with everything gone to waste. Its just fucking sad. All this being said, fuck some of the women on this planet. Fuck them for eternity cause now people have died when they could have been saved by my light. I worked for years building my kundalini and it got eaten by everyone. I take responsibility for spilling seed but to refuse help because I eat and sleep at this point in time is erroneous. Absolute stupidity.
I told everyone to trust me I told everyone if we met everything would be ok. I could explain the whole situation as to what was going on but everyone insisted otherwise.
