Sexual relationships

After everything I've been through In  my mind and heart, I can't help but  feel a deep sense of betrayal from the universe.  My feelings of helping everyone with my third eye open were and will always be pure and yet, I'm treated like I always had second intentions with my motivations to awaken myself.  This is erroneous as I always made sure the goal was to help others as soon as I could help myself.  And yet some people are just fixed on me being some lazy asshole with malintention towards others. This couldn't be further from the truth.  While people made it about power games and domineering over others awakening in the name of sport,my motivation to break through the mold of my own consciousness has only been made stronger. And just because I physically am having trouble aligning my discipline with my motivation doesn't mean I have ever given up on either mine or the awakening of others that I may be connected to. Ever since before I met all these "awakened" people, my intentions were always pure and ill will try my best to make sure they stay pure. I look at this world and all I see are disfigured relationahips. People being with people they shouldn't be with. It's an epidemic and q very serious one as the progress of humanity is halted by the demonic behavior of those who choose chaos over order. But after all this, do I not deserve the same love many others get daily from their demonic relationships? It seems the universe doesn't care when a sexual relationship is deserved or not only that it happens or not. But in my case I feel I deserve and have deserved for a long time a relationship to express myself sexually more so than others who desire the same thing without having done any of the personal work necessary to have a healthy sexual relationship. And yet woman completely ignore the work I have done internally or what I've been through and pass me off,sexually, like I'm some sort of cretin. When in fact it's the opposite. THEY are the cretin blinded by their own vices and pitfalls that they can't see that I am part of earth plan for awakening and that I deserve the sexual energy that is allotted to me by the universe. I have helped the planet with in many ways having gone what I've been through and yet it is kept hidden and me abandoned treated like some kind of criminal. Fuck that. My intentions have always been pure and I have never attacked or hurt someone or something that didn't deserve it first. I am not the criminal these stupid childish women call me nor am I a sexual deviant. If anything I'm way ahead of these females mentally and should be asking for my guidance along the treacherous waters of the human psyche towards freedom. I am deserving of a healthy sexual relationship with someone as I know my power is derived from that kind of energy. All day long I see people fucking cause I can feel the energy of the movement made during sex and it is maddening that while all these demons regularly have sex, I am denied sex for very stupid reasons. A deep rage burns inside me knowing these women have purposely kept my awakening from me. They know not what they are dabbling with.  Many people have died because I could not help In time.  Not only this but my physical sense of wonder and inspiration seems to be dwindling away with this prevention of my awakening and it angers me to no end that while these women regularly have sex and enjoy the wonders of an open third eye, I am stuck here like a fucking dog at their fucking expense. It is a higher ideal to know that deep down everyone deserves to see the light at the end of it all and yet these woman sit on my fucking potential blocking my path in their own twisted sense of justice, it fucking sickens me. They don't feel I should ever see the light because in their eyes not every one deserves to see the light. Which is wrong.