Getting over hatred

I was looking at myself in a mirror today and I realized man I'm really hurting. Not hurting from being over weight or alone or anything else really but there's one thing that just is hurting me to my roots and that is that my whole life potential was changed so much by girls who have left me for other guys. It didn't occur to me until I saw myself in the mirror today how deep the hurt really is. Its like I'm this big tree now being 24 and I feel like the hurt is corrupting my tree to it's roots. So much hatred anger frustration and sadness from being left behind by these girls I realize must be dealt with before I move on. So I write this post in the hopes that it could help me get over this hurt.

Basically is happened like this. Being a young man, I had been through a lot after high school. If you read my older posts you would know. And in what happened, I learned a lot. These women gathered around me like I was some sort of prodigy. They could sense the knowledge and 2isdom I had from being what I had been through. But it was all just false hope I realize as I was not advanced enough mentally to communicate fully with any of them. Well this false hope turned into pure rage when I found out that I had been completely forgotten by these women. They chose someone else to channel their energy into. I was devastated. Being a virgin, it's hard for me to get over the fact that they did indeed choose someone else. They fed me images of being with me and gave me good feelings, stuff I couldn't understand completely and then like in one day they left me alone to myself. I've cried I've screamed I've expressed my feelings of hate enough already. I feel it's time to just completely let it go and move on with my life. Enough hatred, enough sadness, enough looking at the past and hoping it could have gone different. But the thing is I realize it's not enough to just say it. One has to really dive deep into oneself to remove hatred which corrupts consciousness. And so I try this process for the first time where I just go over everything that happened and accept it one by one. I forgive these women for giving me false hope and for choosing someone else. I know I wasn't the best guy either but I know deep down things could have worked out if I was just smarter about things.
It just hurts you know? Being chosen over someone else. especially after having gone through what I've gone through. I feel like my experiences everything that led to us meeting was just completely made obsolete and that i just wasn't good enough. Before I would say well I'm going to prove it to them and be the best I can be in spite of them but now I just want to let it all go. I want to be the best I can be for myself, not in spite of someone else. So enough with all that is holding me back, I'm going to try and work through it . Work through all the times these girls had sex with other guys knowing I was in need of help. I mean I know other people are in the same position but when the universe puts you two together and gives you feels you should honor them. At least that's what I think. I think that's what hurts me the most, that these women built me up and then left me alone so suddenly to have sex with other guys when I was there asking for their love. Sex is no joke, at least in my eyes. If you share with someone, it means you're special?to them and to be left behind like that just hurts so much.

Sexual relationships

After everything I've been through In  my mind and heart, I can't help but  feel a deep sense of betrayal from the universe.  My feelings of helping everyone with my third eye open were and will always be pure and yet, I'm treated like I always had second intentions with my motivations to awaken myself.  This is erroneous as I always made sure the goal was to help others as soon as I could help myself.  And yet some people are just fixed on me being some lazy asshole with malintention towards others. This couldn't be further from the truth.  While people made it about power games and domineering over others awakening in the name of sport,my motivation to break through the mold of my own consciousness has only been made stronger. And just because I physically am having trouble aligning my discipline with my motivation doesn't mean I have ever given up on either mine or the awakening of others that I may be connected to. Ever since before I met all these "awakened" people, my intentions were always pure and ill will try my best to make sure they stay pure. I look at this world and all I see are disfigured relationahips. People being with people they shouldn't be with. It's an epidemic and q very serious one as the progress of humanity is halted by the demonic behavior of those who choose chaos over order. But after all this, do I not deserve the same love many others get daily from their demonic relationships? It seems the universe doesn't care when a sexual relationship is deserved or not only that it happens or not. But in my case I feel I deserve and have deserved for a long time a relationship to express myself sexually more so than others who desire the same thing without having done any of the personal work necessary to have a healthy sexual relationship. And yet woman completely ignore the work I have done internally or what I've been through and pass me off,sexually, like I'm some sort of cretin. When in fact it's the opposite. THEY are the cretin blinded by their own vices and pitfalls that they can't see that I am part of earth plan for awakening and that I deserve the sexual energy that is allotted to me by the universe. I have helped the planet with in many ways having gone what I've been through and yet it is kept hidden and me abandoned treated like some kind of criminal. Fuck that. My intentions have always been pure and I have never attacked or hurt someone or something that didn't deserve it first. I am not the criminal these stupid childish women call me nor am I a sexual deviant. If anything I'm way ahead of these females mentally and should be asking for my guidance along the treacherous waters of the human psyche towards freedom. I am deserving of a healthy sexual relationship with someone as I know my power is derived from that kind of energy. All day long I see people fucking cause I can feel the energy of the movement made during sex and it is maddening that while all these demons regularly have sex, I am denied sex for very stupid reasons. A deep rage burns inside me knowing these women have purposely kept my awakening from me. They know not what they are dabbling with.  Many people have died because I could not help In time.  Not only this but my physical sense of wonder and inspiration seems to be dwindling away with this prevention of my awakening and it angers me to no end that while these women regularly have sex and enjoy the wonders of an open third eye, I am stuck here like a fucking dog at their fucking expense. It is a higher ideal to know that deep down everyone deserves to see the light at the end of it all and yet these woman sit on my fucking potential blocking my path in their own twisted sense of justice, it fucking sickens me. They don't feel I should ever see the light because in their eyes not every one deserves to see the light. Which is wrong.

Power games

Theres one thing that surprises me the most about awakening, the fact that there are demons who are awakened. Never did I think this was true but I can asure you it is.These games these "awakened" people play are a complete farce. It is just another path of death and despair. another way of thinking you can control something that is anothers. Whether or not in the grand multiverse there is a true "should" or "should not" be doing things comes down to this, of course there is no "should" or "should not". THere are no set rules. but I have to make the comparsion of straight lines in nature. Of course there are no straight lines found anywhere in nature. Its all curves, all bundles of information. But the only place a straight line can exist is in the mind. Hence, it is sacred. Hence straight lines can be compared to a "should" and "should not" way of doing things being a sacred way of doing things. The universe is a big place with no rules, that is obvious, but what isn't obvious is that we are small enough to accept these rules to the universe without it impacting the universe at large big enoough to cause imbalance. Therefore should and should not is actually a viable way to live, the only things is finding the parameters.

 I am suggesting that power games or these competitions for ones awakening should be on the "should not" list. Why not just let it happen naturally? why not just let someone have their own awakening without making it a big fucking secret that people get killed over.  The thing is ,its a secret already. THe universe is already in secret form. The mind of one is not accessible to another other than through sex so a mind is a secret already. If youve already spoiled that secret for yourself, you have two options; either you forget about it or you just find happiness in the fact that its still a secret for children of the universe growing up. DOnt be a fucking asshole and ruin it for others by stealing minds and eating people and all this nonsense. THERES NO GAIN THERE ONLY LOSS.

 Theres a big difference between competition and power games. Competition doesnt have death. Power games do. Its that simple. If you're siding with death, you're siding with pain and pain isn't fun. Being an unawakened individual, other course I have sided with death during my life. Death is apart of life in a sense that nothing is fixed; things die. But I know that life is what I want, not death. I'm sure anyone would say the same thing.

So i'll conclude with this, don't be a fucking power game person. Don't use your fucking power to over power others unless its absolutely necessary. Don't side with death. You wouldnt put your hand on a fucking flame would you? SO don't fuck with other peoples shit if it kills thems.

What the fuck do you expect me to do

There has come a time in my life when it seems everyone I care about is against me. Apparently, they are perfect beings who have never caused me harm (sure buddy you keep thinking that see how far that will get you) and now project hate towards me 24/7. They blame me for stuff that I'm not really aware of , never agree with me on anything even though I' pretty sure im right, down play everything I say, never let me come up in my own mind or if I do its met with strong resistance that it actually cancels the whole action, I hear their voices 24/7 saying negative things not letting my own mind flow freely in the universe; im starting to question why ive ever considered them friends in the first place.

Yes it's true, the planet is in turmoil. Yes it;s true, I have the power to save many people with the knowledge I have accumulated. Yes its true, I could have saved a lot of the people who have died in the past by being an awakened individual. But let me let you in on a little piece of information, I am not awakened yet. I AM NOT AWAKENED YET. I AM NOT CAPABLE OF DOING THE THINGS YOU WANT OR WANTED ME TO DO THEREFORE YOU ARE NOT OR SHOULD NOT BE CAPABLE OF FEELING HATE TOWARS ME FOR THESE THINGS. I  am working on a limited 5 sense reality with SOME capability of seeing stuff I need to see, while im ASLEEP. I am not sevan bomar, I am not whoever is awakened. There is a very distinct difference between one who has sight and one who doesnt. Sight is mechanism btw which awakens no matter what in a healthy body so dont give me this shit of OH HE DOESNT HAVE SIGHT. IF I HAD TH EBODY, my sight would awaken but ill get into that later.

All this being said, it brings me to one very important question: What the FUCK do you expect ME to do? I already have the planetary jackass demon baal on my ass, I already have the fucking eater demon on my ass, I already dont have sight because my body is fucked up, WHAT HE FUCK DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO? You guys keep talking to me expecting me just wake up and go and save everyone and yet, Im having to deal with all of this, awakened females dont want to even give me the chance to awakene and fight every fucking impulse of me gaining my sight and feelings back and you expect me to see everything that I have caused and expect me to fix all of it on a moments notice? What are you a fucking retard?

and yes I am very angry. Angry because at the core of my being I have ALWAYS wanted to help everyone out. ALWAYS WANTED TO be the guy who could save those who were destined for a painful death but no one ever took into consideration that I dont even have that capability yet. and then these people have the fucking audacity to kick me while im down and call me names and call me this and that, well I say FUCK YOU. Who the fuck cares if I ate meat and ate stuff, the only thing that got in the way of my awakening was your stupid fucking attitudes and wrong assumptions about what is right and wrong to do when it comes to dealing with the awakened vs the unawakened. THats it. YOU GUYS are the ones who fucked up my eyes EVEN FURTHER. YOU GUYS are the ones who never gave me a proper chance. YOU GUYS are the ones who stopped me from helping ALL OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED PAINFUL DEATHS. SO YOU KNOW WHAT, NO DONT FUCK ME, FUCK YOU.

I repeatedly let you guys know I was ready to have my sight back that I was ready to have no fear using my sight but no it just became a fucking power game like the fucking cancer killing the planet and holding back true development in the mind. AS much as I want to say you know what, just have your power game reality. go ahead and have your seed stealing orgies and all that good stuff, I Still have a fucking sliver of hope that maybe one day ill be able to awaken again and do all the things I wanted to do so no I wont say those things.



Give me a fucking chance, give me some fucking space to have my own mind back but dont you dare say, OH WELL YOU DONT HAVE SIGHT WELL THEN TOO BAD  cause then that means you havent listened to a thing ive said.



Ive WORKED for awakening for 7 years of my life now 7 YEARS. THats a long time for a human being to be alive. NO i havent done monk style exercises in these 7 years but ou know what? they arent necessary. Yes they help but arent necessary. IN these 7 years years ive developed a mental strength and peace of mind that will last me an eternity and its only going to get better so theres no reason in no letting me have my sight. LIfe naturally moves towards awakening, its as simple as that. It is NATURAL to awaken, it isnt some sick power game like most seem to make it out to be. Meaning fear is only introduced externally. Meaning you should always see that someone will have a safe awakening not the other way around. Kundalini doesn;t fuck around when it comes to awakening. It only happens when someone is ready so dont be a fucktard and either force it or stop it from happening, just let it happen naturally.

Fuck some of the women on this planet

You know the saying hard work always pays off? Well I'm 50% sure that saying is completely false. Let me tell you why. I started out as a young boy as any other would completely innocent to the atrocities the planet has in store for anyone who would come here. I was always told, "work hard and all your dreams come true." and I believed it. I went through school and passed all my classes with good grades (As and Bs) 90% of the time. I actually took the time and effort to learn all the subjects while it seems most others would slack it and fail or get low grades in class. I was in the marching band as well and worked way more than the average student would practicing after school and in the mornings with my other band mates. All of this relatively unimportant until I read THe power of now by eckhart tollee. This book is what really sparked my imagination and will power to reach the top. I actually found it at the school library. It gave me the motivation to do so much more. I had learned about stillness and how to still the mind through mediation. I was able to have my first real relationship because I lost the weight (I had weighed close to 200 pounds at grade 9) and worked my fucking ass off losing the weight for this girl (80 pounds within a couple of weeks). I started mediating climbing my own way up the ladder of life or my own spine using the spiritual knowledge I accumulated. Luckily, she actually noticed and went out with me for some time. One could say the hard work payed off but no it didn't. Its like the universe conspired against me. I got angry at her one day and the relationship just ended. Even though we loved each other, we never got to make love which really bothers me to this day 7 years later. Spiritual understanding and power should be rewarded with acknowledgement and love, not ignored and thrown away like she chose to do when she refused to take the relationship any further by mending it. This is the first time I was fucked over by a women. She chose ignorance and misunderstanding over the light I was trying to share with her, something unfathomable and deep for I was on the path to kundalini and awakening.

I didnt let it bother me, I kept doing my own thing, I was in a good place. I had lost the weight, I was feeling good, there was no reason to let her bother me in this way. I stayed in school until around the end of senior year. I decided to leave school early, get a GED instead and make my way to college a semester early. My original intent was to clean my body through mediation and healthy eating for an extended period of time (around 3 months) before school started in january 2013. Stupid me, I was young and found it incredibly difficult to maintain a healthy diet and meditate every day so I decided to just mediate once in a while and use the time as break from school and other things as I would have time alone to smoke weed, sleep in, and relax a bit from all the work school had to offer, not including being in darkness and anyone who has not reached the path of kundalini is only wasting time learning trivial things. I spent my time playing league of legends, smoking, and meditating. I would visit friends at school once in a while and read most of patanjalis yoga sutras which \really helped me to see the light. I also actually kept the weight off and stayed relatively in shape until only recently when I gained some weight which was also because of women mistreating me but ILl get to that later. I may sound daft here but read my further point

Anything until you reach a point in your life where you can be comfortable with your own mind enough to say you might actually survive death is hard work. meaning up unti lthe very moment you get the knowledge you need to ascend your mind, its hard work because youre working with nearly no internal light only your mind. Considering this, I still see people in school and jobs living pointless lives trying to find the light when they are so deep in the work of finding their own mind through all this fucking mess of jobs and school life that some people never even get to find their own light. What was all that work for? fucking nothing. Just one example of how work is useless cause it doesnt pay off. It was only until I stopped working that I found the light I needed. I understand it may be hard for some people to even reach the ability to live a no work life but even living homeless on the streets begging for money to use for spiritual knowledge is more productive than premature work ethic. ALl of this before I met the bane of my life sevan bomar which ill get more into later. (i had to include this cause some people cant get it through their thick skulls that I had found light before I met him).

After my extended vacation, I was in a pretty good place. My body and mind were relaxed for once and I had intentions to work with and share this knowledge with others when I get to and meet them again in college. I was actually very happy with my self, I kept the weight off and was ready to start school again at a local community college. But it wasnt until the middle of the semester that I found that this work offered by the school was kind of pointless for me. I thought to myself, well im already on the path, why bother myself and others will all this pointless work. I didnt leave but I became careless. I feel my light was being invaded by some kind of maleviolent force at this point, whether outside myself or inside my own mind but I became obsessed with the sexual energy associated with kundalini. I wrote a whole blog about had happened to my body when I dabbled in negative sexual shaping if you want to hear the whole horror story find it. BUt something happened and I was estranged from everyone else as my body became damaged. I could feel someone elses body tied up with my own body all because I thought I was just masturbating. But something much worse happened. I went back to school very clouded and sad. something really bad had happened.  I remember sitting in class wondering if anyone had noticed something was wrong with me but of course everyone acted as normal.

After that I left school completely. I finished the semester and went home trying to figure out what to do with my life. I became worried, scared, confused. No one would understand me and what had happened. So I closed off from the world (being a pisces) and just stayed home. People would badger me about getting a job doing this doing that and I would not feel comfortable in my condition to do so. I started having horrible nightmares, stuff that made me feel ill and that something was terribly wrong. I cried for my life and the life I took and just felt lost. I looked to places for answers. I couldnt sleep on my left side because I would spill seed ( ejaculate or wet dreams) and felt that that was horrible bad in the situation I was in. I stopped masturbating of course for al ong time. I was actually afraid to get an erection for a long time I would stop myslef whenever it happened. I built this strange wall of aluminum around my self  where I slept on the floor ( I couldnt sleep on a bed because If I got too comfortable in my sleep I would spill seed) and conncted the wall of aluminum to a ground in a socket in the wall). It wasnt until a specific dream I had that I felt like it was a dream of my death. I dont remember it clearly but I remember feeling the next day something had to be done. I had been reading spiderman comics and fell in love with the character, I actually put my left hand in a microwave because in a comic it said that microwaves were used to kill carnage in one of the scenes. ( I thought carnage was trying to kill me) I said to myself after that dream, you know what im not going to give up, im going to be like spiderman and pull myself out of this mess, I sat there and felt a surge of energy and thought about the movie the matrix, I thought ok if this really is a matrix there has to be some kind of code that I could say or do to help my situation. There it popped into my mind "Code to the matrix".  It was pdf file written by sevan bomar which contained pretty much all of the information neccessary for one to awaken. The information didn't really make sense to me but I was completely impressed and dumbfounded as to how someone could find this much information and share it so nicely and in such a great format. I read the whole book and knew this guy could help. And I did say COULD possibly help. He had made a whole website dedicated to sharing spiritual knowledge and I really feel like maybe I could get a second chance at life or at least some answers to what had happened.

I followed him and read everything he had to offer but what really helped was when he started a segment in his show about internal cleansing. It never occurred to me that eating meat was so detrimental. I cut it out of my diet immediately/ I took a loan out on a credit card and bought a cleansing kit. I sold my old computer and bought a brand new one with a touch screen. THe cleansing kit helped wonders and so did sevan at least I think he did. I no longer had nightmares and I felt ok taking into account my body still didnt feel completely right. The one obstacle in my way now was sex. I hadnt had it yet. IF theres one thing you should know is that sex puts you one top. Its sacred. Its healing, it drives the world. and I was in a really good position to have it now that my body was cleansed, I had been working out, and was eating healthy. BUt I became slightly desperate. I started to search casual encounter ads on craigslist and tried to find someone who was willing but I found all the ads were fake, I started to become hungry. but I still wasnt masturbating. It wasnt until one day I was smoking at a nearby park when I remembered a very important person I had come across early in my life through her videos, teal scott.

Before this, something else happened. I was incredibly impressed by and adored sevan. Just like anyone else did. I knew this. I knew I wasn't special and that I didnt really deserve the attention from sevan but I tried my best to see sevan as he was and to not touch his stuff. I was just happy to see him I felt like we were talking but couldnt know for sure. I tried to share information with him telepathically by just speaking when I felt it was right.

When I remembered teal scottI became very happy. Not because I needed her to help, I had already gotten the help I needed through the cleansing and through the spiritual and esoteric knowledge sevan was offering. I just felt happy cause I remembered her videos being so wonderful I knew I would be in for something great if I watched her newer videos. I quickly went home and watched some of her videos. It was like when I first watched her years ago in high school, radiant as always. I didnt really take nothing from her videos, I just wished I could meet her and share with her my story, as anyone else would. But I knew I was far from that ever happening as she is an awakened individual and I was a lowly peasant like being, still learning from my mistake. I gave her space I knew that if I would ever have a chance with her it would have to be done correctly with her knowing everything, but I was stuck.

Before this whole teal meeting, I started to hear voices. I t took me a while but I ascertained that I met people when I had started to watch and try to befriend sevan. It took me even longer to try and imagine a face for them but I knew they could see me. I actually thought it was sevan for the longest time but it was different people. We learned a lot from each other but something didn't feel right. MY ailment always at the back of my mind, I made sure not to get too close to anyone without someone figuring out something first about what had happened. I feel a lot of them took this negatively and they made accusations against me. While they were fully fledged in telepathic power, I was still a noob and didnt even know I could just speak to them about everything that had happened, Even if I wanted to I wouldn't know what to say. I just wanted to speak to them in person and they didnt seem to understand how sapped my mind was with what had happened. I started to hear more voices, people I didnt know but really did want to meet with at least safely. It was good times but I started to realize that maybe they were hurting me with all this talking or that maybe I would eventually hurt them. I just wanted a second chance at life, I wanted to be able to play videos games. Sex wasn't even a question until I could physically meet with someone. I tried to meet with people but I just felt like a burden, who would be able to handle me if not someone who has tapped into an awakened eye?

IM not sure if teal remembered me or if she could even see me but eventually the voices started to tell me that I should talk to her and that maybe there was a chance. But I was stuck, I couldnt speak to her, I was incapable. People would tell me to stop being such a pussy, stop eating, stop sleeping, I was just a fucking kid with this stupid fucking problem and they expected so much from me. It took me some time but I thought you know what it would be really awesome if teal and I got together so I tried talking the little that I could. I would just speak at times that felt right. let her know I was a virgin was one of the few times I heard her reply. I felt like the entire world was watching, I felt like something big was going to happened. but nothing ever did. I just felt like I would either hurt her or that she didnt care for me. I became extremely confused. One night I had a vision that someone was being locked away into a cage. SHe had cat ears, I heard people tell me not to be a pussy, and to awaken. I felt energy rising through my body when my mother angrily woke up and threw me to the floor for mediating in the middle of the night. Shit just went insane after that. I ran away from home for 2 days just walking the streets. I stole my friends car thinking I was supposed to drive to new york to save the world. I saw wood panels morphing into ungodly shaped, etheral shattered glass in open doorways, heard some strange shit. I feel like I went insane and ended up going to a mental hospital where I saw even stranger shit. I saw these weird etheral spiders, some demon looking guy with no eyes just sitting in one of the rooms, and on the wooden floors I saw images of teal and I with our eyes looking every which way, it just felt like everything was falling apart. But I stood my ground. It wasnt until the second trip to the mental hospital that my hope was starting to get shot. I just started to lose hope. They had extended my release date and things turned for the worse. I got angry and threw a fit at sevan for not helping me, for not wanted to meet after everything I had been through. These people wanted to help the world but would not even consider helping me and what I was going through. THey would rather see me die.I tried my best to help but I was just too young to calculate everything that was going on and I was getting tired. A lot of multidimensional things happened throughout all of it but I was just too young to calculate it all.

The only thing saving me was not spilling seed. It wasn't until teal posted a video about porn addiction that I decided to masturbate again. IM not blaming teal, it was my decision but I just really wish I hadnt decided to as my body needed all the potency I could get. I started to see that sevan didnt really care about saving me, no one did. Everyone was too busy playing games. The voices are madening at this point, cant really tell if theyre real or if theyre coming from some other time or place and now they just mock me and tell me I suck. Everyone has a limit and I reached mine when the only people I cared about told me to go fuck myself. 8 billion people on the planet are eating food, most of them eat meat everyday. These people expected me to just stop with the ailments I had. They expected too much from me.

NOw everything went to shit. Everyone fucking hates me for shit I didn't do, they call me an old pedophile loser they call me fat =, sexually incapable, stupid, not knowing what ime doing, lame, never getting laid when it fucking burns me inside seeing a bunch of fucking no time losers getting laid everyday completely tainting the sacred emotional feeling we all share. Someone came down and tried to help only to call me a fucking loser and stole everything purposefully (yes you can steal someones feelings). women refused to sleep with me purely because I ate food and smelled a little bad because of the food I ate. THe whole thing just went to shit and now I might die with everything gone to waste. Its just fucking sad. All this being said, fuck some of the women on this planet. Fuck them for eternity cause now people have died when they could have been saved by my light. I worked for years building my kundalini and it got eaten by everyone. I take responsibility for spilling seed but to refuse help because I eat and sleep at this point in time is erroneous. Absolute stupidity.

I told everyone to trust me I told everyone if we met everything would be ok. I could explain the whole situation as to what was going on but everyone insisted otherwise.

Skill and the Big Shadow Cube

Something I've pondered about before is the massive size of the human race on the planet. How do people who perform really get around this fact. to have that many people giving you attention, a great amount of skill is required but what is sad is most people aren't conscious of how they can accomplish something so great but then again sometimes they are so it implies that skill can be based on the amount of self consciousness someone has while they perform. So a kind of trinity is formed when people show skill while being self-conscious (player, whats being played, and consciousness of the changes made afterwards) that produces a fruit that is liked by all, or as close as can be to all. But how do you create a fruit that is liked by all? I don't think its possible but the more one tries and practices it seems the better one gets.

One really has to know themselves to talk to another so shining that light during the performance can be dazzling  but how can this be possible if everyone is shining their own light? It's just a fact I cannot get over. To write or perform with skill requires talking to the many different layers that make up a human being to come up with something interesting but people are dynamically changing all the time and many people aren't even paying attention to what is being performed enough to write something that fits the whole human race. But then we get into the light body and how some process information quickly at light levels to bring about a cohesive and balanced thing that anyone can look at its just overwhelming. Nevertheless many people do it time and time again which always brings me wonder and joy as to how its done and its something I wish to learn as well.

Introducing the shadow cube, which is the idea that ones being is simultaneously obliterated and reformed by oneself by the non-existance of one in anothers' life, it is staggering to see so many people showing such talent despite this shadow cubes existence. But does it show skill to not be aware of this fact and still perform?

Spiderman motivation

Spider man as a hero has always stood out to me. In fact,  it was the seed to my original motivation to survive almost dying at the hands of a powerful demon. Nevertheless, the hero has always stood out across time and always seemed to be part of a deeper plan for me. Here in El paso, a story has been brewing and I'm here to tell the story.

Here's how the story goes: as a child,  I was always fearless except in some circumstances where fear had overcome my mind completely for short periods of time,  things I would have to work through later in life. I was always smart though and had a knack for learning things quite easily.  I learned that leaving high school early,  I would be able to jump ahead in school and enter college earlier than I would have if I left high school on time so I took the opportunity. I ended up realizing school was not all about advancement but about the friends and connections you're able to keep while in school.

Fast forward a year or so, I started to dabble in some of the darker forms of sexual magic,  something I didn't know at the time, (I would masterbate a lot with images held in my mind or imagine other people's sexual experiences through my own third eye), and one day shared energy with something deeper than my body could handle and dipped below the speed of light for a short period of time. It hurt.  I almost died from energy being pulled away from my sacral region at a rapid pace and could do nothing but wince over in pain.  I wouldn't give up though and could do nothing but laugh and say man if I survive this im definitely not doing this again. Somehow it worked and the pain subsided.  I was left dumbfounded and a scared child as to what just happened. Who was I supposed to turn to for almost being dipped in a place like this.

I lived my life another week and (still eating meat) I was lead by my animal instincts to go to the desert nearby, something I did as a child to meditate and stare at the stars. Something didn't feel right though and I was still in shock as to what had happened before.  Never the less I went and that's when things got ugly.

While I was there,  I started to feel sexual feelings again.  I promised myself I wouldn't try it again but I was overcome and started to generate sexual energy in my lower region.  You see,  I was trying to view other people  sexual experiences through my own third eye. That's how I almost got drained in the first place and decided to do it again. This time in the middle of the desert and at night once again.

I got aroused and started to unconsciously steal this guy's body.  I had no idea what I was doing at the time,  I thought I was just being aroused but after what had happened I knew it was someone.  Upon orgasm I withheld my own ejaculation and felt something horrifying in my own body,  I could feel my entire left side of my body had fused with both the male and female side of the people my body had been watching. I was completely disgusted and scared I couldn't believe what had happened.  I started to cry,  I knew someone had been terribly hurt by what I had done. I walked around and could feel my left foot being peirce d by a penis time every time i stepped and I could feel the guys cold dead body and could hear the female scramble trying to figure out what to do. He definitely died cause I could feel his penis overlaying my own penis and my own body felt just as cold.

I drove back home trying to figure out what to do...I tried psychicly finding the couple, I thought they might be in the city.  I even visited some hospitals to see if they would show up but to no avail. That night I became tainted by a very dark energy and am trying to say I have found ways through this experience to counteract dark energy.

The universe has a big plan for all of us,  and for me I can say no doubt I survived for a reason,  to bring this knowledge to the human race for protection against future attacks against the physical body and a major secret I have learned is the true seed that is at the heart of the evil on the planet. ...the destructive force of the beast itself. ...to have sex with everything no matter how destructive. I actually learned this from watching my cat as the animals on the planet are being eaten alive in some places

Not knowing what to do about the situation, I lived my life in shambles. Disgusted I could feel the penis entering my foot for a couple of days afterwards everytime I stepped my left foot. I was on a course to a very horrible death. I had been dragged into something far greater than me and I only hoped I could survive,  to get another chance at a normal life, something I had never experienced (a girlfriend,  a life,  a job) but I would have to work hard to bring it about I just knew it.

I had absolutely no bearing but the one thing that motivated me was the spiderman seed. Spiderman showed me not to give up and that motivation carried me out of the hole I placed myself in. I knew the only way I could have survived twice is if I myself had a reason to live and I carry that depth with me to this day.

So what did I do. I sat in a kind of meditation by myself and wondered what the fuck am I supposed to do. Ideas came very quickly to my mind. I knew there was some kind of demonic structure behind all of this something tangible...a matrix of some kind.  I had seen the matrix before and the words came to me. ...i needed to find the codes to the demonic matrix if I was to survive and so I searched code to the matrix on Google and got exactly what I needed, someone who was trying to help the planet itself,  someone who could potentially help me.  I read the book and knew something deeper was happening around me,  something more than what I had originally thought.

With this authors help I learned how to clean and manage the body and was able to have a new chance at life and am happy to say I plan to use this new chance productively. Had I continued to eat meat I would have died in my sleep but with a good fast and with help I was able to survive.

Sadly, with these people's energy attached to me,  I became almost invisible astrally. I had become a demonic entity. Many things occurred but what I'm trying to say for the one who had stolen the seed is that one should not meddle in affairs so quickly when they are in a process....big plans were set in motion upon these events and I am still hurt by multiple things that had happened, it is unfair that I have come so far surviving many things using my own mind and willpower leading something greater than you can imagine only to have it taken from me out of some fancy of just wanting it. Many things have occurred to have these events in placeand the universe is not happy with the result.

Later I learned of what's called a split, or severing of consciousness to two different timeliness.  One of the time lines being where I did actually drop below the speed of light. I believe I was told about it telepathically but I'm not sure.  I began to receive a lot of information about my lower dimension and how it was being used to destroy people and heard that the entire dimension actually had been taken over by evil beings with my dimension being used as a passage way through my OK dimension to gather information. Many brave souls were involved and I feel some are stranded on that dimension and wish me to tell anyone who can listen that their lower dimension does exist and would like to be known to anyone involved